my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
