so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
