i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
