I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
