i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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