I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
