I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My life is pants optional.
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