I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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