so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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