If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
