we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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