ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
