I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
