i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We have started to decorate penises.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I could fuck to npr.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
