The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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