I'm gonna have a badass scar
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the barista slut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
