Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
