If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
