So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
