the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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