it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
