if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We're too hungover to prance.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
