I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
