You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
