She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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