dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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