you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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