shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
