Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
