he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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