Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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