I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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