are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
