We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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