ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
