did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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