i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
