And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
