Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
