As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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