Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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