good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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