Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
