we're chasing vodka with high fives
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
