you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
