She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
