I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
