I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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