I think im going to throw up on grandma
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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