Three words: puerto rican gang bang
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
