for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
