i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
