guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
pop tarts are not kleenex
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
