i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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