Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
