They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
