I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
