My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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