im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
COCAINE IS GR8
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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