Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
