I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
