Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
