Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Text me some of your sweat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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