respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hippo gnu deer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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