you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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