we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
