Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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